Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
