im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
