i don't plan on having that self control this summer
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
