apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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