I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
