my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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