He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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