She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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