So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize