Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
