i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
