Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
