its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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