I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
