Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
im holly from the hills drunk
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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