My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Are these your boobs on my camera?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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