Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I haven't been this sober since birth.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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