Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
