ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We got so high we made milksteak
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
