how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize