I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
