So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
