Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
