i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
