I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
