How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
