Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
