I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
