Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
