did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Holy sore nipples Batman
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
