you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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