So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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