i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
