Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
