stop calling my apartment porn island.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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