I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
