Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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