I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
