dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
