I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
