This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize