i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize