oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
