First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
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