i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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