shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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