And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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