Pappa wants mamma naked
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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