just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
