i think my tv is drunk
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
