I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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