Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My cat gives me a boner
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
