What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
