I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize