mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
