she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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