where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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