Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize