I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
