Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
