be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
