All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
