i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
