she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
