Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
