He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
