hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
