My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
