david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
