we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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