Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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