Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
