apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
