Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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