3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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