Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
