His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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