i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
two words...techno handjob
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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