Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
