The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
