peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
organizing the empties. That sober.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
