Umm I'm too high to move.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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