Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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