I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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