I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
