I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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