hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
