maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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