I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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