omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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