You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
