This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize