So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
