Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
