I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wish there were birth control emojis
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
