Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You don't make any sense
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