So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
