Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
bring money and cleavage
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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