is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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