I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
