im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
