Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
