I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
