I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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