i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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