You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
