I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
