allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
