your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
