I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Success! We fucked roommates!
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